Sweetie Face

modernizedmythos:

and has been since I was like 8.  Even my husband knows not to fuck with that relationship (or my ongoing romance with Mr Campbell circa 92’)

Ok I hate to vent on all of you strangers out there (and like the three or four people I actually see on a regular basis) but this is shaping up to be a shit morning and I really just need to burn off some of this coffee I cant stop drinking, quit blubbering, suck it up and become a productive human being if only for today.  

I wont get into the details but have you ever pushed so hard for something, thought you were so righteous in your opinion that you fought and argued and manipulated to get your way only to have it all blow up in your face?

I have been struggling to get my act together since last March and dragged my poor life partner down a road of constant poking, prodding, interrogation and general invasions of privacy all so I could realize my dream of having a little itty bity house with a white picket fence yada yada yada hormones

“Its an investment” I said.  ”The dog will have a yard!”, “Ill grow vegetables!”, “you can have a real office and not a computer in the living room!” After months of harassment he finally caved and went down this six month long rabbit hole of hell.  

Now we are just days from the end and it looks like we may be falling just short of our (my) dream.  We are both wrecks.  My hair is literally falling out, I haven’t seen him smile in three days, and all of our conversations end up in raised voices and tense moments.  ALL OF THIS IS MY FAULT.  I am such a fool.  and the worst part is he is being so damned sweet and putting the blame on everyone and everything else but me when the evidence is clear-  I pushed for this, I thought this was the right path for us to take, I manipulated and even begged to move forward my agenda.

My heart just hurts seeing the love of my life so upset and it absolutely shatters knowing I am to blame.